Courtroom Quotations

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The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.


Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

  • Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
  • Witness: "July 15th."
  • Lawyer: "What year?"
  • Witness: "Every year."

  • Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
  • Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
  • Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
  • Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
  • Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
  • Witness: "'Winchester'!"

  • Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
  • Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

  • Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
  • Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
  • Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
  • Witness: "Er...his face."

  • Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
  • Witness: "Yes."
  • Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
  • Witness: "I forget."
  • Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"

  • Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
  • Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
  • Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
  • Witness: "Forty-five years."

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