Really Funny

1.

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

2.
A mother of two 16 year old blonde daughters had just bought a new house in a new town. So they were buying paint, shades and all that you would need for a new place.
The mother left the house to go shopping. She told the girls that she wanted them to paint the family room but, NOT get any paint on their clothes.
After the mother left the two daughters decided that they should just take off all their clothes to obey their mother. So there they were painting naked when they heard a knock at the door.
So they both went to the door and said "Who is it?"
The reply was " The blind man."
So the two blondes thought ... He's blind, so he won't be able to see us naked. They let him in.
The man said "Nice tits lady, now where do you want the blinds?

3.

A couple has been married for 75 years.
For the husband's 95th birthday, his wife decides to surprise him by hiring a prostitute.
That day, the doorbell rings. The husband uses his walker to get to the door and opens it.
A 21-year-old in a latex outfit smiles and says,
"Hi, I'm here to give you super sex!"
The old man says, "I'll take the soup."

4.

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
"Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations. "
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?" The man seemed a bit ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."

5.

One day a woman was holding her 6 month old nephew and the baby kept grabbing her nose.
Her husband, thinking he was being clever, said, "Well you know Hun, babies grab the biggest thing they see."
She replied, "If that's true, you could be sitting there naked and he would STILL be grabbing your nose!"